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Glam-ma-hood. The next chapter .

Shits getting real folks. Tomorrow I will load my family in the car to go on a 7-hour road trip to be on
Baby watch 2019. For those of you that don't know,( you obviously live under a rock because my life screams drama ) my 2nd daughter is about to have a baby at any given moment. We knew this was coming for 9 months. She is far away, shes come to visit, we had the beautiful baby shower for her, and now, its go time.   Today, I spent the day running errands, gathering car snacks, packing suitcases, packing my bag of things to pass the time while at the hospital, all the good stuff that comes along with going out of town. And it hit me. Like all at once. Yes, I knew this was coming, What goes in must come out right? Yes, I am excited and cannot wait for my newest little princess to get here. I picked out a fun name for my new little loved one to call me months ago. Then I started really thinking about this. HOLY SHIT, I AM A GRANDMOTHER. I am not wearing sweater vests or applique sweaters during the holidays, how is this happening?   I am, very proudly,43. I am trendy and I am fun and I wear good makeup and have good hair.  I am the mother of 2 grown women and 2 crazy coconuts. I had my older girls very young at 19 &23, close to their ages now actually. When I was raising them I was always the youngest mother. I would go on field trips with them and be by myself as most of the other moms were at least 10 years older than me and not super accepting of this young single mom. My friends were all in college or just starting off their lives and I was knee deep in motherhood. Now they are incredible, beautiful women and I haven't a clue how to be a parent to adults. It's a weird place because they don't live in your house, you cant ground them anymore when they don't do what you tell them to do, they are out in the world living a very adult life. You are no longer in charge of them but you are still so fiercely protective of them and want to keep them safe and love on them just as much as you did their whole lives. I didn't have a tribe of friends in it with me when they were growing up with kids the same age. I have that now and I am so thankful for that. It is so comforting to have friends to bounce parenting issues off of and exchange stories and advise and just know you are doing this thing right. As they say, kids don't come with manuals. 
And now, as I'm getting ready for tomorrow, I realize I am again in a tribe by myself. All of my friends have kids under 10 for the most part. a few of my gems have older kids in college. But not one of them is a grandparent.  
 I have given birth 4 times. Not one of those times compares to the nervousness that I am feeling now waiting for my baby to have a baby. I have repeated that line to myself more times than I can count today. My Baby is having a baby. My BABY is having A BABY!  I don't think anyone truly understands what this feels like until they are in it. My first instinct is I have to get there on time and cannot miss this because I need to keep her safe and make sure the doctors know what they are doing because that is my child in there ( sorry in advance amazing doctors). Then I keep thinking of what this is going to feel like when I see that new little life.  Ive heard other people say, my own parents included, that there is nothing like the love for a grandchild. She's not even here yet but I imagine she is going to take my breath away. I feel like this is going to be a surreal sort of love. One that I have yet to experience. I am overwhelmed with emotions (meaning I have burst our crying several times today in public, the ugly cry of excitement and fear) anticipating her arrival. I am reminiscing about me giving birth to my babies and how no one prepares you for the love you have for your child until you have that baby in your arms. And now I am so blessed beyond measure that I get to have this new life, my babies baby, in my arms and I imagine that is going to be the most incredible love of all.  I cannot wait to be a part of this and watch it all unfold. Family is everything and Life is so incredible. What a happy ending to a crazy story! 
*** OH and to all the older moms who waived their judgey fingers at me for being such a young mom way back when, well now your an old grandma and I am a young Glam-ma :) 

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