Soooo this is a touchy subject and I am just going to dive right on in and give you a little back story as to why I want to really have a discussion about body shaming. This last week, my family and I went on a vacation. It was amazing. We played in the ocean, ate a ton of amazon seafood, slept in everyday, and spent some amazing family down time together. On our way home , we stopped at an Ikea. We don't have one locally so when we get a chance to pop on into one, we (I) jump all over that. Who doesn't LOVE Ikea?
So we get there, the kids are super excited because they love that play land and mom and dad can stroll around that majestic store of home junk. We go to sign the kids in, (Sophia 7, Donovan 6) and Sophia is asked to stand next to the heigh requirement sign . She's right on the cusp of 54 inches. Had her hair had been down she would of been right under or exact. I get it , She is a very tall 7 year old girl. Who, at this time in her life, is noticing how much taller she is than most of her peers and is very self conscious of it .The woman running the show there notices her height and immediately says " no not this time sweetie, you're way too big for 7" STOP.RIGHT.THERE. I felt my neck crack and I just looked over to her. I am still calm at this point, but what does that mean anyhow ? She is right were she is supposed to be for her. Yes, I get it . She's tall. But to say it in a way like there is something wrong with her is not OK. I reminded the woman that she is only 7 and wants to be 7 and play in the play place. She is right on the border and by the looks of it she is the same age as most of the kids in there . She says" No, only brother today, she's way too big and can hurt someone, we have small children in there" WHAAAATTTTTTT ? So now I am really biting my tongue here , I look at my daughter and she runs behind my husband and is balling her eyes out and tells me she is embarrassed. I am crushed!She is beautiful and tall and perfect just the way she is. I then went over to the woman to try to talk to her again. I explained to her that how she was handling this was hurtful to her and to take a look at her and how they made her feel. She then tells her co workers she will take the fall if they get in trouble by their boss for letting the girl in. They are all staring, muttering she's too big. I asked Sophia if she wanted to walk the store with us and she said no she wanted to play. So we roamed the stored. I have to say it lost its luster for me. We walked around sad and just felt for her. She is 7 and looked so vulnerable and shamed.
Why do we say things like this ? We all do it. He is too short, I am too fat, I'm too old, She is too skinny, My head is too big.. We all have things that we cannot change even if we wanted too. But why? What is the "too"? We are all exactly how we are supposed to be. We were all created as individuals .No one is the same. How boring would that be if we were all 5"11 110 lbs? Why is that the standard ? It goes both ways too ya know. I had a neighbor who has a little girl who was the tiniest little spitfire. absolutely adorable just as she was and for some reason , I always felt the need to comment on what a little peanut she was. Then one day the mom looked at the little girl and said " you don't like that do you?" well I felt like shit and rightfully so. (btw if you are reading this , my apologies ! )She is exactly how she is supposed to be and me calling her a peanut all the time is not much different than people calling out my daughter for being super tall and hating it every time someone felt the need to tell her that.I couldn't help but think of that little girl while pondering what just happened to my daughter.
I Remember the day I hit 100lbs in grammar school . I remember stepping on that stupid scale in the gym and the boys running by to see how much the girls weighed ,and I was horrified. I was always bigger than my friends and now I was facing triple digits . I hated it! Was that when I started to become aware of my size and my body?
How do we change this ? How do we have our daughters accept themselves and not have that moment of shame over their bodies? I guess like all things its going to be something that starts at home . It especially starts with us ladies. We are the worst ! We comment on each other all the time and compare ourselves to unrealistic ideals and then we feel bad about ourselves. If I can only do this or fix that , Id be perfect like her. Well I'm sure whoever "her" is , has her imperfections too. I too am guilty of complaining about my body and my extra fluff, my skinny legs that don't match anything else on me. But I am going to really make it a point of celebrating it all and being vocal about the amazing body I do have. I have lived 42 years . I am healthy. I have great muscly legs, extra fluff around the middle and I have good hair. I have grown 4 humans in my stretched out belly and that is amazing in itself. Our bodies are amazing vessels of life. We grow people and feed people from our God given bodies and we should be dam proud of that ! I am. I am going to celebrate this body of mine . I am going to help my daughter celebrate her height and love it . I truly hope you decide to do the same...
xoxo
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