I must say I had quite the amazing weekend! We had a visitor . Not just any visitor, but my Pankatoots came to visit. We are days away from any family, like Oregon and NJ . We do not get visitors very often so when we do, we value it so much and it's so precious to us. Pankatoots has been part of our lives for over 10 years from when i first moved to Virginia from NJ. We met when she noticed my moving trucks never came with my belongings. Why you may ask ? Because this is me and nothing ever goes right. So much so that when it does I'm very leery and it makes me VERY uncomfortable. ANYHOO I was sitting in my duplex apartment (connected to hers) and she knocked on the door with beach chairs, pork and beans and hot dogs. We have been friends ever since. We have supported each other thru ALOT. She was in the hospital when I had both of my littles. She helped named my only son. She and her family have become my family. She loves my kids and is as protective of them as she is her own. I love her . I adore her. I respect her and I admire her tremendously. She is this over the top loud crazy full of life St Lucian woman with a proper British accent. She walks into a room and fills it with life and fun .To know her is to love her and I do unconditionally.
While she was here , we visit Savannah . I love to just watch her . She makes friends wherever she goes. She relates to every walk of life and looks down on no one. We took a historical carriage tour , ate some food and did some major people watching . While we were sitting on the bench waiting for our carriage tour and watching all sorts of weirdness happening around us, I could not help but reflect on one of the first times I have ever been to Savannah after our move here.. OH.MY.LAWD. I cannot imagine what the people who were people watching on that day thought of me . Have you ever had a day where you
wake up and everything and anything that could go wrong , goes wrong? Or one
particular thing happens that appears to be an Omen of the bad day to come ? Oh
I certainly have.
This particular day , the double
French doors in my room were wide open. The sounds and smells of My favorite
season, Springtime, were looming in the air. New life is being breathed into
the world,. All things dreary and dead are starting to come back to life with
little flower buds blooming, the birds are starting to sing again. It is still
amazingly beautiful outside as the heat of summer has not set in yet. And best
of all, I had somewhere legit to be while my Mother is law is visiting. Not
just a run to the store to buy some random crap but someplace to go and be and hide for a
while . And I was soooo very excited for this. Its not that I don't like her, it really isn't. We are just very different people and I think we never really have the chance to get to know each other truly since we live on opposite sides of the country. Im loud and over the top to put it mildly, her not so much.
And I figure its nice to let her and her son and grandkids visit alone and I get a break. WIN WIN.
And I figure its nice to let her and her son and grandkids visit alone and I get a break. WIN WIN.
It felt like Christmas morning to me.
I woke up to the best feeling knowing I had an escape plan for a few hours and
I could not be more excited. ME TIME! I NEVER GET THAT! I jumped out of bed, got dressed, did my hair and
skipped down the stairs like I was prancing on the clouds.
Gave my husband a kiss , said good
morning to my children, grabbed my coffee and said a quick toodaloo to the
mother in law as I skipped out the door. I drove the whopping 1.5 miles down
the road to the consignment /boutique clothing, monthly pop-up shop.
For whatever reason, I look out the
window and happened to see this giant ass bird flying towards us . THUMP. That
bird flew right into the window and slid down to the ground. One woman
screamed because it was, in fact , a
rather large bird that made a very loud noise as it slapped its entire self
into the large plate glass window.
I looked around with eyes wide and
teary and my lips curled inward as to not let the hysteria of laughter fall out
of my mouth. Is this shit really happening right now ? I looked at my new
friend , who by the way I instantly loved as she had the same look on her face.
Not funny but oh so funny. Two of the woman ran outside to check out the scene
of the dead bird. They were horrified and crying and I honestly felt bad for
them .One woman tried to revive the bird doing God knows what with it on the
floor while another encouraged her to continue to try to save the bird. That
act of kindness and compassion just made me lose it. I couldn’t hold it in any
longer. I was not laughing so much that the bird was dead. But the way it
happened was so surreal and just the situation in general, and honestly, it was
freaking hilarious. I am not sure what
they thought was going to happen by giving a dead bird somewhat of CPR
treatment was going to do .
I just kept looking around at the
others to see everyone’s reactions. Things like this just don’t happen every
day. Well until you are driving home .
I said goodbye to my new friend , who couldn’t
say much as she too was trying not to let the laughs fall out of her mouth. I
said bye to the bird savers who looked totally appalled that I was not crying
or calling 911 to help save the bird that was clearly dead at their feet .
I get into Vesuvio, my trusty gawdy
gold minivan and head home. What else exciting could possibly happen on my 1.5
mile trek on a back road to home? SLAP-THUMP. Are you fucking kidding me right
now ? A bird just slapped into Vesuvio’s
windshield ,slapped onto the hood of my van and rolled dead to the street. I
honestly would like to know what the odds of this happening two times in one
day . I want to see the numbers on this. I am pretty positive that the odds of
this happening once , or at all EVER in life are extremely rare and If I were
to bet on this, Id make millions. I am not thinking this is so funny
anymore .Actually I am scared shitless and freaked out. Is the universe sending me some sort of
deadly warning message ? Should I just
stay in the house for the rest of the day ? I am driving the remaining half of mile
home staring up at the sky just to make sure I do not have any more suicide
birds attacking me. Honestly what the hell else would you call them?AH, I made it home with no more
attacks or dead things. I go in the house and tell Hubbs what happened. Lots of
nervous awkward laughter because he cannot believe the story of the first
suicide bird. Then just as he shakes his head and walks off with his usual
response of “only you” , I pull him right back in. “Oh wait ! there is more ! “
I say. I tell him story #2 of suicide bird. It’s a sign I say, an Omen! We are
not going anywhere today. This shit does not happen to people , never mind two
times in one day. He responds with
“Fine, we will hang out at home with mom today. “
I put on my new favorite skirt from a
local trendy womans boutique in town , a coral colored Tulip shaped maxi skirt.
30 minutes later, I have kids dressed, packed up and ready to leave to go
wander Mother in Law around Savannah. Lots to see, lots to do to keep convo flowing and entertain all. Lets do this family. We drive on over to the wonderful city of
Savannah , the long way of course because that bridge is terrifying and tries
to kill me on a normal day so there is
no telling what it will do to me on a day with 2 dead birds under my belt.
I absolutely love walking around
Savannah. It has so many fascinating
nooks and cranny’s and so much to look at and explore. It’s a gorgeous day out
so that makes it that much more amazing.
We park the car , unpack the fam and start our stroll. We visit the girl
scout house, walk thru city market, then start head over to some museum house
that we cannot find at all.
Just as soon as we get a good walking distance from the car, the Heavens decide to part the clouds and dump a copious
amount of rain upon us. OH HAPPY DAY. I do not mind getting caught in the rain.
I think
its fun actually. But this is not normal rain
. And judging from the day I had already
I swear it is like a warning rain. A rain so hard that you cannot even keep
your eyes open as you are trying to walk because the higher beings that be are
telling you to get the hell out of dodge.
There is really nothing we can do at this point other than keep walking
to try to find someplace to hide from this insanity.
We are walking down the street, and I was
pushing the carriage .I cannot help but be so sad as I look down at my feet. My
adorable coral colored tulip shaped maxi skirt that I just bought the day
before was so soaked on the bottom and had a muddy rim from dragging on the
city streets. Just heart broken . I’m kicking my skirt as I walk ,what feels
like a million miles since we have no set destination now , and its just getting
heavier and heavier . Its hitting the carriage wheels as I walk. Then this fun thing happens. I look
up to see where we are and start walking faster . The bottom of my skirt attaches itself to the
wheel of the carriage and wraps around it so fast. Im walking super fast at this point .I can
feel the tugging at my waist and before I understood exactly what was happening , my adorable coral colored
tulip shaped maxi skirt, is around my ankles.
OH DEAR GOD. My pasty- white mom ass is vertically smiling and saying
hello to the world around me . I squat down behind the carriage , my son is
screaming and my husband is looking at me like what the hell is happening and
what are you doing and where are your clothes ? My thong, mom gut rolls,my pasty
ass are all trying to yank my skirt out of the wheels of that carriage.. In the
rain, on the muddy sidewalk, I was really giving it my all as if I were saving lives
of an entire village of children. It was by far my most desperate moment in my
entire life. I was yanking so hard at that skirt people. It just would NOT come
undone. Finally I felt it letting up some. I had to keep pushing ,kicking
actually, the stroller further away with the breaks on , and unwind the skirt
backwards. I know I looked nuts. I know I did.
Had I seen some semi chubby woman
with her ass out in the rain with mud splattered on it squatting on a city sidewalk
with her husband standing there with the look of terror on his face while his
wife is semi kicking a baby stroller ,all the while her mother in law, just
feet away, oblivious to everything, I may have called 911 to
report the scene. I feel I need to thank the citizens of Savanah, the passer-bys
, who did not report us for God knows what . SO thank you. Thank you all of you
wonderful people of Savannah for not reporting me , and blessing my heart as
you passed by. I did indeed unwind the skirt completely. Just as the sun was
starting to come out and shine on my swiss cheese looking skirt as we walked
back to the car with no words spoken about what had happened that fine day In
Savannah.
Next time I encounter 2 suicide birds
, I think ill just stay home.
My Pankatoots :)
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